The Glamour by Christopher Priest
Author:Christopher Priest
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Science Fiction, General, Fiction
ISBN: 9780575075795
Publisher: Gollancz
Published: 1984-01-02T00:00:00+00:00
Part VI
I
Three weeks after returning to London, Richard Grey was offered filming work in Liverpool. It was to be a fourday assignment, operating the camera for a television documentary about urban renewal in the wake of the Toxteth riots.
It would be physically demanding on him, but the unit would be working with full union crew, including camera assistants, and after an hour's indecision he accepted. He caught the train to Liverpool the following day.
It temporarily solved the problem of what to do. He felt frustrated by the continuing stiffness in his body, and was restless to be working again.
Anyway, his money was at last beginning to run low. There was talk of compensation being paid by the Home Office, and correspondence was going to and fro between a solicitor and his MP, but it was not something he was counting on.
Until the film work came along, Grey had been hobbling through his life, learning again how to go shopping, to the movies, to the pub. Everything had to be taken slowly. Once a week he went to the physiotherapy department at Whittington Hospital to be manipulated and exercised; he was improving, but it was very gradual. He walked as much as he could, because although immediately afterward he felt tired and uncomfortable, the longterm effect was a steady easing of his left hip. The stairs outside his apartment were a constant obstacle, but he found he could manage. Driving was difficult, because using the clutch pedal put a strain on his hip. What he needed was a car with automatic transmission, but this would have to wait until more money arrived.
Leaving London would mean a break from Sue, something which a few weeks before he would never have dreamed he wanted, but which now seemed essential.
He had to have time away from her to think about other things, clear his mind a little.
Grey wished fervently that she had turned out to be in reality what she had appeared to be at first: a girlfriend from his lost weeks with whom a relationship could be continued, renewed by the freshness of rediscovery. When he first met her he had found her oddness intriguing and winsome, hinting at layers of buried complexity which patience would release.
He still found her physically attractive, she interested him, and great tenderness existed. As his body healed, their physical relationship became more exciting and satisfying. But the difference was that she said she loved him, whereas in his innermost self Grey knew he did not feel the same. He liked her and he wanted to know her better and more intimately, but he did not love her. He was emotionally dependent on her, missed her when they were apart, felt protective of her, but still he did not love her.
The problem was their past together.
He did not _feel_ about it. Memories of sorts now came from his lost weeks, but they were fragmentary and disconcerting, appearing from some subconscious or nearconscious level of his mind.
Real memories are
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